Thursday, September 8, 2011

Where am I going...

For some reason I feel blah this week... I have no idea why. It's not even like I am starting my period or anything... which is usually the number one reason for the blues. I just am feeling directionless. I feel like I need to be out there networking more, meeting people, etc. But, I just don't have it in me. It's almost as if I am scared of the failure. If my labor doesn't produce any fruit all my work would be in vain. Where has my passion and zest gone to?

I suppose that is something fleeting, something that comes and goes now and again. Also, if this was easy everyone would be doing it. Even though sometimes it feels like everyone is doing it. The greats never stopped though. They didn't give up and they didn't give into the norm. They didn't pick up all their stuff and move to Revolutionary road.

So I suppose I will get off my computer and go make something happen... anything...

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Frieda

It's really funny the things you remember about your childhood. Like... smells, outfits you wore to a birthday party, crushes and memories. I wish I could bottle them up in a jar and keep them on my bookshelf to remember or at least have the discipline to write them down.

For the past week I keep coming back to this one particular memory. My great-grandmother Frieda Biedenwig. She was actually my step grandmother and I never met her. My grandmother's mother passed when she was relatively young and my grandfather re-married Frieda. I met him a few times throughout my life, those memories are for another time...

But her. She wrote us letters and always called us on our birthday's. When I say us, my grandmother has four children and between them there are eight grandchildren. Admittedly as I got older I dreaded the call. I never met this woman, I never knew what to say and she spoke in such a thick German accent I could hardly understand her.

But she called each one of us, every year. She remembered.

Maybe it's because she liked birthday's or maybe it's because she really loved my great-grandfather. I guess I will never know, but I wish I did.